A Little Read Wine

So.. it's been a while, a good place to start I guess. Many folks are encouraging me to get back on the blogging wagon and I appreciate their efforts but question the result. As by now, for further assurance view my last entry, I am very easy to read. Almost too easy, and it upsets me that I can't keep some things in the dark about my self. Even if I could, or am, most could guess these "secrets". I still sit in the same position as I did and will always sit of course. I write, vent, and feel that in the process have come across a deep wisdom that I could apply to every day life. And I endeavor to do so, but rarely see these go to fruition. What kind of things do you ask? Some times as simple as, hmm I should really care about what I'm doing and care about my future and try my best each and every day. Then there are some things that I think are truly profound, like t.v. and lit as an opiate for the masses, or a really cool Idea for a romantic comedy. The problem is, again, I forget I thought or they seem somehow less profound on the other side of dawn. (Whether I see it or not) I try to apply these things in chants or easy to remember rhymes. The truth is I am a poemer, and a damn good one, but I hate poemers' my self especially. I have written "poems" of course I have! Everyone writes them, and everyone thinks there bloody terrific. Poems or even writing itself is therapeutic, (if I can spell it) and it is good to analysis your works to get at the deep dark feelings of your mind and soul. But the problem is I forget what I learned. So I post it and what happens. I will get a response, reading me perfectly. Telling me that my wine about poems stems from a self-hatred that if I learn to except my poems as bloody terrific then I can accept my self for being the blood terrific person I am. I can learn and grow and become the true man, the true artist, and the quintessential writer. I could even wear turtlenecks if I wanted, and that would be just terrific. But it wouldn't, I refuse to do any of this, and someone will read into that and tell me to be patent, no offence Stephen, but I tired of it. I am tired of being immature, but I don't want to "Grow up", because physically I am grown, but I still feel behind. That kind of make sense, when I think about the folks I hang with, they're smart. Really smart, not all of them are the tops, but most of them, and the rest of them are damn far up there. So where does that leave me, waving up at them... and don't send some BS reply saying, Grubbs, come on buddy, your really smart. Because I know this, and then you say. Be patent and study and you will be as well vested in the various forms of knowledge as we are. And to this I say "humbug." So what I am I trying to say. Nothing I guess, nothing productive anyway. Hi all, everyone says hi to each other. Angel if you are reading this, Dr. Goergina says hi. anyway, peace
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